1&2

Ok...the moment you've been waiting for? Ok maybe not. But I hope after reading all of these you will have a better understanding of my animal phobias. Or maybe I just made myself look like a crazy...Oh well. This is real.

FISH—this includes every type.  Some of the scariest that I know exist are gold ones and beta ones.  I’ve had lots of scary moments when I don’t know they’re there for example like in restaurants and stuff and then I see them and almost die.  I don’t know why I am so afraid of these. I just am. I don't really have a tramatizing experience with these I just really do not like them. I also have had lots of my crazy dreams with these in them. And for some weird reason my dad is always the one either throwing them on me or making me look at them.

 BIRDS…shall we go into more detail?

a. SEAGULLS—I’ve had many torturous encounters with these nasts.  Account #1-Visiting the beach, eating a delicious sandwich, avoiding the birds at all costs when BAM...Chanel throws bread all around me and they come swarming at me.  Really Chanel?  Account #2-Visiting Seattle, parents wanted to grab food from this fish place, thought of the brilliant idea to eat it on the pier, you know, surrounded by a billion seagulls, NO THANKS.  So I make Cami come sit with me inside this little “green house” sort of glass building so we can be safe from the seagulls right?  Think again…BAM…one comes darting right across my face! Seriously. I of course screamed, ran outside, and began to cry.  To make matters worse, throughout the process of me being attacked, I managed to get freakin tartar sauce all over my sleeve from the table.  Really?  Really. 

b. DUCKS—Seriously what is the purpose of these animals?  To sit near Candace’s apartment every day of her life in order to almost make her late to catch the stupid idiot bus to college because she has to go out of her way to avoid being close to it?  Or maybe it’s to hide in the bushes and jump our right as Candace passes, giving her a heart attack?  Maybe it’s to sit randomly on campus on Candace’s path that she takes every day so that she will have to cross the road and take an inconvenient route?  Hmm…Its sole purpose in life has got to be to make Candace’s life miserable. 

c. PIGEONS—I can hardly look at these nasty birds.  They disgust me.  They’re all over the sidewalks when we go to the beach.  I have to get my little cousin to run at them so they will leave.  I think I would have a freak out if they attacked me.  Home Alone 2=Death. Imagine being 3 feet away from one that has 2 legs but only 1 foot and it is headed right for you. Sick.

d. LITTLE BIRDS in general—these are everywhere!  And seriously they always are attacking me.  Ok so when I say attack I don’t mean physically touch me but I do mean fly right at me almost touching me.  These attacks frequently happen when I’m alone, leaving me a prime victim for these freaks and no one to save me.  I went to the mall a few weeks ago, walked to the front doors to find them guarded by the little idiots.  I tried stomping my feet to scare them, yelling at them, but NO they just sit there hobbling around.  It took great strategy on my part to finally find a way inside.  Lots of attacks occur in parking lots.  They fly out from under cars almost killing me.  LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY

e. CHICKENS/ROOSTERS/TURKEYS/—Oh my gosh these are the sickest looking birds I’ve ever seen.  At my grandparents there are turkeys on the road all the time and they are gross.  Get a life and go away.  Chickens are freakin crazy.  I won’t go near them. 

f. Ok pretty much any type of “bird” I don’t ever want to go near in my life.  Especially PENGUINS.  I forgot about those.  Watch the movie March of the Penguins and you will understand why.  I am scarred for life.